Family Constellations: in search of “love at second sight”

Oh the love! You know this story: a man and a woman meet, feel attracted to each other, date and decide to follow a life together. Suddenly, conflicts begin. One can't "stand" the other any longer, and what started as hope can end up as heartache and lawsuits. (Or the relationship doesn't end, but goes on through life on the "foot of war"). This part of the story you have also seen/heard/experienced.

What a lot of people don't realize is that a man when he meets a woman he's not alone. And the woman, finding him, is not alone either. Behind them, there is a “baggage”: their destinies until they arrived there, their families of origin, their ancestors; with a unique history, the successes and entanglements of that family system. That is, a person is not “just a person”; she is all that she brings together. And this "baggage", so unique, can cause conflicts with the "baggage" so unique of the other.

Is this to discourage couples? No way! But it makes us have a new look at love, or, as Bert Hellinger, the German psychotherapist who developed Family Constellations, says, makes us have “love at second sight”.

According to Hellinger, such “love at first sight” is a naive, blind love. It does not look at “the whole” and its greatness. For a love to work, it is necessary to look a "second time". Look at what you bring and what the person brings. Look at who they really are. From this “second look” it is possible to find a balance between the “baggage” that each one brings and make love strengthen and move forward.

Article written by Rebecca Machado, therapist, editor of the blog Luz do Feminino (, works with Family Constellations, ThetaHealing, Floral Therapy and Reiki. She works via Skype and physically at Centro Comercial Herta, room 05 (Rua Caetano Silveira de Mattos, nº 2551-Centro-Palhoça). Contact: (48) 99120-3802 and